Soul of a Fierce Revised
by Motoko Forever
Summary: The things inside of a person makes one strong. The things that are inside of a person makes one fierce. The soul makes one fierce. Hinata will come to understand the struggles that make one strong are best understood alone. M for language, sexual content
1. Prologue

**Soul of a Fierce**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. No one owns anything really...

AN: dedicated to my lovely sister who was my unbearable inspiration for this story. And I mean that out of love... or not.

Prologue: Into the Darkness

The first thing I felt as I opened my eyes was the moist, aching pain between my cocked legs. I reached for the covers and pulled them over my body, trying not to move. It still hurt when I moved, even hours later. I rolled over to the other side of the bed, and watched the sun, brimming over the mountaintops. It was a welcome sight, I would assume, for any normal person. But me being the person that I was, it was nothing more than a reminder. Our fantasy world was over and regular life was to continue on where it was left off earlier yesterday.

Brief images of our passionate art ran through my head as I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, contentedly. It was the same way I felt the first time we ventured into this world together. It still felt the same, the mysterious wonder, hidden to the world around us. And we hid it so well, going on with our lives as if nothing was there between us, and the world was none the wiser. It was a sick sort of pleasure, but it was pleasure nonetheless. I shifted some, still staring at the deep azure ceiling above me.

A small smile flickered across my flustered, pouting-red lips as I thought of his audacity the night before. He was usually the calm, patient lover with me. I was the eager one, at first, and full of stamina. He had his share of it too, and kept me wanting more, even though I said I would only do that once. But it was an addiction with him, I assume, something my body wouldn't quit, something I myself could not quit. It was steamy passion, bridled with the unkempt urge to have someone give their all. When we were together, anytime as more than we were supposed to be, we unleashed our frustrations out unto each other. He was never what I could have, so he was never enough. But the love he gave me, and showed me, was more than I could take.

With blissful thoughts roaming through my head, I was unaware of his shivering until he had pulled me back. To fit comfortably with him, I wrapped my legs around his lower legs, and let his head rest on my naked chest. This was his comfort zone, when he needed to feel protected. I had one similar and he held me there last night. It was a memory I wanted to forget but I knew that eventually, we had to discuss it and understand all that it meant. But for now, as he slept, I would allow him peace of body and myself peace of mind.

Twenty minutes like that and soon my bodily functions began to awaken themselves. The first of which was my bladder. Swiftly and cunningly, I removed myself from his warmed body and slid into the bathroom nearest me. I looked into the mirror after I washed my hands and into my flustered expression. Even now as he slept, he kept my body wanting more. I smiled again, a bittersweet smile that signaled a far more deceptive and much deeper meaning than its simplicity let on. An agitated groan from my room told me he was cold again and so I returned to our bed and pulled his now cold body close to me.

Our cold bodies molded just right together, in this darkness. It was like it was supposed to be like this always. I did not know exactly what it meant to "belong" in the common sense of the word. I never belonged but if it felt anything at all like this, then I wanted to "belong" to him, even though I could not. Aside from that empty feeling of being lost, all I knew was this sincere passion, our passion for secretive things, hidden from the eyes of society. And we understood each other, far better than most did, even our supposed "lovers" who were so close to us. It was not true what they said aloud before us, but what they hid and whispered behind our backs. But our history and blank expressions did not betray the passion we held not for our lovers, but for each other.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was right from the very beginning of this. But then again, I suppose he was always right, especially since he knew that this would come. I sighed sadly, looking down unto his sleeping features with an envious glimmer in my eyes. I wanted the peace he so easily attained, the understood air he had about him. It was not that he was arrogant, but so secure in his own abilities to know that he was an Elite and there were few who could even be considered a "rival" force. I wanted that strength from the very beginning, hence my near obsession with this man beside me. Our passionate affair started off as nothing more than a fond and childish infatuation with him. Although in truth, it was what he possessed that intrigued me much more.

I realized soon that he would be waking up. The sun was low in the sky and although the art of secrecy was the first thing a shinobi learned, it was always better to be safe than not. His warm body pressed closer against me and I realized what he was doing. A sadistic smile spread across my lips as I bit down onto his lower stomach, near his rising manhood and smiled as he winced. He was usually the sadistic one in the relationship but when he was asleep, I ruled him completely and without bounds. With a gentle shift I was lying beside him again, staring, unknowingly, into the darkness that was our love. I smelled of him, and with a quick whiff from his hair, I knew he smelled of me. I smiled to myself, touching my own hair again and watching the tendrils fall limp. It made me feel good to know that he was just like me when we were together. It was a feeling of completion. It was a warm feeling on the inside of my thigh that made me realize he was awake once more.

_Or am I just hallucinating? _I questioned myself, seeing his eyes still closed. _Do I want to face what I cannot bear so early...or am I eager for more?_

The lack of movement after his slight shift was a welcoming sight. I decided to put some water on to boil. Tea and ramen, my friends said, were the way to ease into the day. I slipped out of the bed with deadly stealth and crept quietly into the kitchen, searching for a teakettle and another pot. It would take about thirty minutes for them to heat because the fire was low. I smiled restlessly and returned to the room. My stomach growled lowly before I pulled down on it, trying to silence the sound. The man in my bed shifted slightly, barely making a sound but for a shinobi, any sound could easily be heard. I looked up quickly, peering into the darkness to see if he moved any.

He was asleep still, I thought stilly. It felt almost wrong that I was here awake but he was sleeping. Should I be as tired as he from the night before? Could I be wrong for being up while he rested? No. It was the aching pain in my heart that made me wake up and I realized that. I looked over at him, smiling slightly. He needed to rest, just as I did now that it was over for this night. Our time together was short enough as it was. But, although I was happy to be with him this night, I knew in the morning, when he woke up that we had to go back to being as we were, sensei and chunin. He was my sensei and that was all we could ever truly be to the world.

I walked over towards the bed and straightened it up slightly, as best I could and sighed. I sat on the edge of the bed, away from him where he was sprawled out on my soft, blue sheets and blanket. I looked over my shoulder only once to see his beautiful, sleeping expression. He was calmest when he slept, and also the most alert. He was never truly at peace in the mind, simply the body. And I was always antsy, energized and ready to move, as my mind slept when I was asleep. In the end, I suppose, it was the taboo-marked aspects of this life together that made it that much more appealing to us. And the fact that we were exact opposite for the most part, while still sharing enough to form something outside of just a sex-based relationship, only helped to encourage our passionate yet unfulfilled desires.

I laughed lightly to myself, turning over to face him once more. His hair was limp from the sweat and heat we spent. We had done this for a while, almost two whole years now. When we first started, I was only fifteen. Now I was so much older, and more mature. But I knew little to nothing outside of this bedroom. That wasn't to say that I was dumb or oblivious but when I was here with him, this was all I knew. And deep down, some tiny fraction of me that had withered away over the ages, was crying for me. What I was doing was wrong, being with someone who could never love me back...and I knew it was. But it started off as an addiction and became something more.

All in all, I felt good to be with him, even if I knew it was the end. Slowly and carefully, I pulled my legs up to my chest and looked into the darkness. It was quiet here, which made me want someone to live with. It was always so damn quiet in my house and it made me think a lot because of the silence. When he was here, it was never quiet until we were done and finished. But then again, he never spent the night either. Whenever we did this, we left immediately from my house and continued on with life. But today, he stayed here. I knew at that moment that everything was different and that it was going to change.

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_Flashback_

Mornings were always sleepy, disturbed into the false sense of peace. But in the end, we all knew it was surreal, an illusionary image, decorated and adorned truth. It was nothing more than a lie, to be completely blunt and I was at the middle of it. The number of lies that had expelled from my lips outreached any told by this village, or its people. Only one other might have been similar to me in lies, similar to me in number. It was for this reason that I kept on living, knowing I wasn't the only one like me. He was like me, and that was all I ever needed in the end, to not be alone.

The bed I slept in had the familiar scent of him, although I hadn't seen him in quite some time. A few days had passed since we had been together. From what I heard, he had taken his squad out somewhere, as an elite ninja, to some faraway village for a mission. It wasn't like me to miss him, or to be down without him but he had been gone for a week. Certainly something was wrong? Or was I just anticipating his return once more, remembering all the other times when we were together after he returned home? He was vigorous when he returned, and thus I was always the first to greet him, with openness. But no one interpreted our warmness towards each other as anything more than sensei-to-student friendliness.

"Are you day dreaming again?" someone asked, prodding my side with a stick. I shook my head to clear it of the smoke that was fogging it up with dreams of him once more. It wasn't like me to miss him but I was sure getting into the habit quickly and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. "Anko asked you a question and you're just sitting there staring. Pay attention!"

I looked up at the instructor from my place against the rock, irritated. I didn't like to be disturbed and I sure as hell didn't like to be poked by a stick from someone outside of Shino, Naruto or Kiba. To be honest, I didn't like to be poked, but with my friends it wasn't so bad. The instructor must have noticed my irritated look because he backed away, apprehensive.

"Anko, I don't know where the Hokage is," I responded smoothly, sitting up suddenly and brushing my pants off. In the back of my mind, I didn't care at all about the Hokage or Anko or anything else. I was more worried about the one person I didn't see: Him. Aggravation slowly set in like the effects of the numbing drugs used to dim the pain of reality, and I was slowly beginning to lose consciousness. "Now, unless there is anything else you need from me, I am taking my leave."

"And just where do you think you're going, maggot?" Anko hissed out, standing up, suddenly undignified. I scoffed at her failed attempt to be classified and mature; she wasn't that type of person and she wasn't even anywhere close to me. I felt her approaching me, felt as her anger flared; she didn't like me because of the relationship we shared, and that only made it feel that much better. I rounded on her as she yanked my arm and pulled away from her, catching my balance on the banister.

"As I said before, I'm taking my leave. Naruto should be back by now, Anko-Sensei," I mocked, standing up on the banister, arms crossed. She didn't like me and standing like this seemed to make her even angrier with me than she had been before. I smirked and began to fall backwards, into the darkness of the lower-levels of the village.

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Later that day, as I was sitting beside a mellow pond, something whizzed past me and plopped into the pond, disturbing its calm surface. I stood up in annoyance, rounding on the person who was the cause of it and was thrown off guard by the sudden passion against my lips as he scooped me up and pinned me to a nearby tree. I wrapped my arms around him slowly, my tongue dipping into his warm mouth as his hands plundered and pillaged, reclaiming my body.

"When did you get back?" I managed as he traced my stomach with his tongue. He looked up at me from my stomach and smiled, pulling me down beside him. I rested there beside him, my breathing slowing as I looked up into the forest's tress, the sunlight flickering in between the spaces of the leaves. "Anko was looking for you earlier…along with the Hokage."

"Still don't like her, eh?" he asked, looking at me from the side. I nodded, shrugging a bit; he rolled over and stared at me, resting his head against my shoulder. "Well…I took the squad out for a mission – seeing as it's been such a long time, according to them. Sorry I was away for so long."

"Oh – I didn't miss you, sensei. I barely knew you were gone…" I lied, turning my face away from him. Slowly, he made me turn to face him, made me look him in the eyes as if to say, "Really?" I shrugged, pulling away. "Alright, so I might have missed you for a moment…don't go too far into it, sensei. Besides, what would it look like if I was missing you. This is nothing more than sex, remember?"

"Is that all I am to you?"

I looked over at him as she sat up, turning away from me; the pain I felt in his voice was beyond me. He always had me under the assumption that this was strictly physical. We weren't dating and we weren't in love, last time I checked so I didn't see the problem. Before I could address him, however, his three students appeared suddenly from the trees, each landing around their sensei. I appeared on the other side of the pond, leaning against a tree.

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, tackling the older man. Sakura and Sasuke stared at him for a moment before jumping in on their sensei as well, leaving me to stand. I turned my head to the side, looking far into the sky, feeling, for a moment, like Shikamaru.

"Cloud envy…"

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A knock came to the door, a knock that startled me from my sleepy daze; the moon was full to my left and the night sky was a hazy purple-blue. I looked up at the door through the hallway and got up, slowly dragging myself to the front. The latch rattled under the ferocity of the knocker and I sighed, unhooking the door with little effort, pulling the wooden door away from the frame, annoyed. While I expected to see either Kiba or Shino, I was surprised to see none other than my lover.

"Kakashi…" I breathed as he walked in, closing the door behind himself. He pressed me against the wall slowly, kissing my lips, my neck. His hands traced my sides, pulling at the seams gently as he lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side along with my headband and jacket.

The man sure knew how to caress a woman and soon, he lifted me, pinned me against the wall and spread my legs, his hand pressing hard against my aching center. He was teasing me, and I crumbled under the pressure like an old pillar. A moan escaped my lips and ran smack into his neck; my tongue licked salty skin and suckled honey sweet lips that had been gone for what felt like ages. He laced his fingers in mine, pulling me closer into him as our bodies felt like molding, becoming one.

"Kakashi!" I screamed as he bit down into my breast gently, nibbling softly at the nipple as he tore away my undershirt and let it fall. He suckled gently like a child to my breast, sending shivers all throughout my body, feeding the hunger that was slowly growing between my legs.

The man standing before me knelt down slowly, trailing kisses from my breasts to just above the buckle of my pants. I looked down at him, my face flustered and my eyes half-lidded; with a nod, I gave him permission. Slowly he unbuckled my belt, unzipping my pants on both sides, forcing them to my knees and then to my ankles. He reached his hand slowly between my lower thighs and worked his way up, gently caressing the skin beneath my silk panties, teasing my clit. Another shaky moan left from my lips, provoking him.

Kakashi lifted me into his arms, my pants falling to the floor as he walked me into my bedroom, the room we had shared so many times before. But something I knew was different; this was not the same Kakashi that had left me nearly two weeks ago. There was something fierce within his eyes, something that was determined. He laid me down slowly, crawling in between my legs until our shoulders were leveled and I pulled him down, kissing him roughly. The passion was almost too much for me to handle; it had never been like this before. Something had formed while he was away and I was beginning to understand something about him.

My hands traced his jacket, traced the buttons and removed the obstacle that was in my way until my lips touched pure, beating flesh. He threw his head back, a relieved sigh pouring from somewhere deep down within him. My legs wrapped around his back, pulling him down as my feet began tugging at his pants. He looked down at me with those eyes and kissed me slowly, tenderly. He pulled away and stared at me softly, his eyes so full of compassion.

"Kakashi I --," but he stopped me, pressing his lips to me once more. I gave into him, my body becoming his play thing once more as he unbuttoned his pants and slid them off, casting them to the floor.

His hands gently traced over my silken underwear, a smile coming to the corners of his lips as his finger pressed against the spot he knew to be my opening, eliciting another moan from me. Kakashi smiled, ripping them from between my legs and throwing the shreds to the floor beside my bed. I reached up and kissed him gently again as he spread my legs once more, guiding himself into me slowly.

As he penetrated, I could feel my heart throbbing against my chest as if something had been unleashed deep within my heart. I held him close to me as he pulled out and thrust deeply once more. I cried into his neck as he held me up, pulling me into his embrace. Another full thrust and soon he began rocking into me slowly, going as deeply as he could, eliciting so much from me while at the same time, I could hear him returning me moan for moan.

That night raged on for hours…

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"You're awake," I said, not even bothering to look down at him. Kakashi shifted some, sitting up to lean his head against my shoulder. He was still warm, even though we had both slept naked. He wrapped his arms around me and we both sat there like that, knowing that soon enough, we both had to face what was inevitable. "I was wondering when you were going to get up, you lazy bum…it's early for me, my usual time to be up…although for you, it's pretty late."

Kakashi sniffed the air gently, snuggling down into my neck. "What's cooking?"

"Ramen…and some tea," I added as he pulled me down, laying flat on top of me. Our bodies pressed together again, another sad reminder. "I figured you'd be hungry after last night… and besides, you just got in yesterday afternoon. You must be starved." I looked directly past him, not ready to meet his eyes, not ready to meet what was truth.

He nodded slowly, pulling me into his warm embrace. I rested there, quietly against him, wrapping my legs around his, intertwining our bodies together as our fingers laced. Kakashi gave a sigh, kissing the crook of my neck, running his fingers down to rest on my stomach; he kissed me. His tongue gently dipped into my mouth, our tongues tangling together, exploring eagerly. He reached his hand up to cup my chin, tilting it back. He kissed me harder, more passionately as he pinned me to the bed with his other hand.

"Hinata…"

There came a violent knock on the door.

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AN: That's the prologue…or something like that. Review for me please and thank you.

MotokoForever


	2. Get It Started

Soul of a Fierce

**Soul of a Fierce**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. No one owns anything really...

AN: Hinata is confronted with her own shortcomings, deciding on her own to become better

1: Get it Started

I sat atop one of the elder Hokage faces, staring down at the sleepy village where I'd spent so much of life. This was home; this was where the heart was. It was here, then, that I belonged. Still, I felt strangely dissocitive when it came to this, the Leaf Village. I knew my place was here, knew that I could only be happy inside of its gates, inside of its walls. That was something all Leaf shinobi came to understand. That was the simple truth we had all been made to believe was acceptable. Leaf shinobi belonged to the Leaf Village.

Still, I felt a part of me fade away whenever I returned here, whenever I found myself walking its lonesome streets, its empty forestry. I peered down at the emptiness that made me full, the depths which were empty, devoid of adventure, of anything at all, really. In this place, people came to die; shinobi gave up their lives to protect something they never understood in the very beginning. It was like some secret known only to the mocking faces of the Hokages who'd passed us on. It was alright to die here, they said, it's alright to give up your life here. I felt my life draining from me also, wondering if that was what we all came here knowing. Was it our destiny to die here, not having gained anything in the vast tribulations of life?

Slowly, the Leaf Village began to stir, the gentle sunlight peering up over the Hokages' monument, the guardians of Konoha. This monument was but a memory of their power and strength for the whole world to see. This was a reminder to the Leaf shinobi of the greatness that ran through our veins. They were apart of our blood, just as we were of their blood. In them were the seeds of greatness and we were those seeds. We were meant to bloom, to grow and make prosperous. Those four men died giving their very best to this, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Konoha, the Leaf Village. The four Hokages died for us, for their children, for Konoha's children.

The sun rose over their heads every day, granting them the power to protect our lonely village, our beloved Konoha. I felt that sun against my back, weak but penetrating my mesh undershirt, warming my skin, cold from the night's journey home. I wasn't ready to say, "I've returned," just yet, so I remained perched upon the faces of Konoha's loving forefathers, pondering things I ought not have. But what else was this dying village left with? Our shoulders were heavy with burdens we shouldn't have needed to carry. It was something we dealt with together, however, depending on one another, seeing each other through the difficult times.

I was reminded of Naruto, just then, and his smiling face. He was always there to help someone, even if the person was a stranger. He was always busy doing something, be it a mission or just another way to bother Lady Tsunade. She didn't mind him any; we all knew he was just looking for a way to bring back Sasuke, his best friend. We could all understand that; Sasuke was a Leaf Shinobi, he was just lost. One day, we were sure he would come back to us; Sasuke would return to Konoha and everything would be ok in the end.

But even I knew that was being too optimistic. There was no going back after what Sasuke had done, to Naruto, to his friends…to his village. He abandoned us for power, Lord Orochimaru's power. The death of his brother—to that end would he strive and he would not return until his task had been completed, the Uchiha Clan avenged. Sasuke was Avenger; that was his only purpose now in life.

_They're all growing up,_ I thought to myself, _leaving me behind in the past. I'm still trying to be a ninja, still trying to understand what it is that I want to do with my life. I'm a ninja, aren't I? I'm a shinobi, aren't I? Then why don't I feel like one?_

Sickly, I felt, knowing that my mission was just another childish rendition of "being a shinobi." My life as a shinobi, then, was nothing more than a joke. I had given up the prestige and honor that came with being a shinobi when I refused to escape the shell that I'd been hiding in for the whole of my life. Looking down at the faces of the Hokages who'd come before me, I felt ashamed, I felt as if my existence was a mockery of what they had strived for in the courses of their lives. I was a failure to them, to the name of the Hidden Leaf Village, to the Hyuga Clan, Lady Hokage...but mostly, I was a failure to myself.

"Hinata, what are you doing up there?"

I glanced down at the Hokage's office, catching a glimpse of Kakashi-sensei before he dipped into the Hokage's office. He had waved me down, beckoning me to follow him. Seeing no other choice, I got to my feet, deciding to follow behind my sensei.

Inside the Hokage's office, I found Kakashi standing there, a lazy smile gracing his calm face. Nervously, I jumped down from the window, crossing the small room to greet him. Another one of his books was clasped tightly in his hands, but he wasn't paying the book too much attention, I noticed. Instead, something flickered in his eyes, something I didn't know how to name.

"Morning, Hinata," said Kakashi, blinking slowly. "You're up early, aren't you?"

"I was just returning from a mission Lady Tsunade sent me on three days ago," I said softly, my eyes trained on his face for a time longer than I expected.

"Hinata," said Kakashi, sliding his book into his back pocket, his brow furrowed as he stared at me. "Tell me something, won't you? Why is it that you never—?"

"I'm sorry for being late, Shizune! I was _trying_ to get some sleep! Why can't the Hokage ever get some rest around here? It's pathetic," said the Lady Hokage, exasperated as she burst into the room. Shizune was at her heels, carrying a stack of papers, along with Ton-Ton. "For the love of—oh, hello you two."

I turned on my heel, staring at the Hokage strangely as she threw herself into her chair, Shizune plopping down the stack of paperwork on Tsunade's desk before rushing to her lady's side. Tsunade looked the two of us over for a long moment, her elbow propped on the desk, her long index finger tracing her bottom lip as she pondered our situation.

"You have something for me, Hinata?" she asked after a moment. Hesitantly, I reached into my carrying sack and pulled out a golden coin, handing it to the Hokage. "Ah, thank you, Hinata. Your returning this is the first bit of good news I've received all morning long," she snorted, tossing an aggravated glance at Shizune, who immediately paled at the woman's glance. "And you, Kakashi?"

"I have it here for you, Lady Tsunade," said Kakashi lazily, handing the woman a long, rolled up scroll with strange markings. "It was almost burned in a building."

"Well, aren't I lucky to have sent such a capable Jounin to handle the mission," said Lady Tsunade brusquely. Shizune cleared her throat importantly, berating the Hokage with her eyes. "Your efforts won't go unrewarded. Both of you—here," said Tsunade, tossing Kakashi and I each pouches filled with mission reward money. "Hinata, I want to talk to you before you leave. Kakashi, you may leave."

"Yes ma'am," said Kakashi before disappearing in a gust of smoke and leaves.

"Hinata," said Tsunade quietly, folding her hands on her desk as she stared at me. "I'm concerned about your intentions."

"What do you mean, Lady Tsunade?" I asked just as quietly.

"You're a Chuunin," said Tsunade slowly, picking up my profile papers, glancing over the information slowly "and you're nearing your seventeenth birthday, isn't that right?" I nodded slowly, not wanting to look at her anymore. "With the exception of Naruto and Sasuke—who didn't get a chance to complete the second Chuunin exams—you're the only one of the original Rookie Nine left as such. Both of your old teammates are Jounin now. Doesn't that mean anything to you? It's almost as if you _only _want to be a Chuunin. I'm concerned…."

I didn't have anything to say to Lady Tsunade. She was absolutely right on all accounts. My birthday was in a few days and I had done nothing to become a better shinobi. My only dream had crumbled and died before me and I simply stood there, letting everything I'd ever worked for go to naught. Even Naruto and Sasuke were better than me shinobi wise—they were battling one another, striving for something much greater than either of themselves. And yet, here I was, not doing much of anything because I didn't want to, not because I couldn't. How dare I?

"Hinata? Don't you have anything to say?"

"No, Lady Tsunade," I said, answering truthfully, wishing I could bite my tongue the whole while. "I don't. There's nothing I can say to atone for my bad behavior. I'm so sorry, Lady Tsunade. I'm a big disappointment, I know it. Everyone tells me so. But I—I don't want to be anymore. I just, I just can't—."

I ran out of the room before I could finish my statement, tears streaming down my face. I rushed past Kakashi, nearly knocking him down and I barreled out of the Hokage's building. I didn't want to deal with the disappointment of being ashamed of any longer. I rushed out into the clear, crisp air of outside, wanting to be filled with a sense of understanding, wondering if I'd ever feel at peace again. Even in the Hyuga Manor, I no longer felt welcomed. Still, there was nowhere else for me to run to, nowhere else for me to go. Deciding it was best, I rushed off into the direction of home, wondering if that was really where my heart was.

"You've returned home," said Neji softly, granting me a small smile as I pressed through the gates of Hyuga Manor. I glanced over at him and nodded slowly, just to show that I had heard him at least. "Your father was looking for you yesterday morning. Perhaps you should go and find him."

Nearly out of breath from the quick run, I could only stare at the face of my cousin who had become like my brother in two years, even though I was still only a Chuunin. Since the exams, he'd come to realize that I had the same life he had and, in learning this, he sheltered me, took me under his wing and did his very best to train me into a better Hyuga. We trained together almost every night, save the times either of us had missions. I felt I was becoming worse, but he was steadily a voice of encouragement in my ear, pushing my limits above and beyond until new ones were set. Silently, I thanked him before rushing off to find my father.

I found him in his den, reading over some scrolls. When I knocked gently on the doorpost, he beckoned me in without looking up from whatever it was he that was doing. I stood nervously a few feet from his chair, my hands laced together behind my back, my fingers pressed together in agitation. I didn't know what Hiashi was going to say to me, but I had assumed already that it wasn't good news.

"I heard you passed another mission, Hinata," said Hiashi, still studying his scrolls. "You came in this morning. Is that correct?"

"Y-yes father." He always made me nervous.

"Another C-ranked mission, am I to assume?" he said again, slightly less pleased than before.

"Y-yes father." Again, I knew where this was going.

Hiashi turned in his chair, faced me for a long moment then got to his feet. He directed me to follow him as he led me outside, into the breezy front courtyard. We say together on the wooden floor, looking at Neji as he trained. We sat there for a long moment, neither of us saying a word to the other. Instead, we let words go to naught, Neji's training enough to fill the silence. He was beautiful in his movement, eloquent and divine. I'd never seen anything so glorious in my whole life. That was what it meant to be a Hyuga. That was the pride we Hyuga carried on our shoulders every day. That was something I'd given up.

"Hinata," said Hiashi, staring at Neji as he trained with himself, "you are my eldest daughter. However, you are an unfit eldest daughter. Hanabi, your sister five years your junior, excels better in the Gentle Fist than you do. She is a much finer heir to the Hyuga Family's Main Branch Household."

"W-w-w-what are y-y-y-y-you s-s-saying, father?" I asked, trying to stop my voice from trembling.

"I'm saying, Hinata, you are no longer welcomed here. You are no longer welcome as a member of the Hyuga Family."

Neji stopped mid-thrust, his eyes wide with disbelief. My father had just disowned me without the slightest change in his facial expression. I didn't blame my father for what he'd done. I only wished he could have done it quietly. I gathered myself up, trying my best to not let Neji see me cry. As I rushed past him, I swore that I heard him say, _Hinata, I'm here for you._ But I was so far gone that I wouldn't have mattered really what he said to me. Outside, I pressed my body against the gate and cried my heart out silently before disappearing into the thicket of trees and forestry.

--

"You called me here, Kurenai," said the man leaning against the brick wall, his arms crossed as he waited for her.

"You're right, I did. I appreciate you doing this for me," said the woman with the red lipstick, dropping down from a tree branch. "I'm only glad you already owe me. Otherwise, you'd probably laugh at me."

"What's this 'proposition' you have for me?" asked the man, lingering in the shadows as Kurenai crossed her right arm over her chest, grabbing her left arm as if she was in pain. "It sounded interesting. What is it?"

"I need you to go on a mission," said Kurenai nervously, "with one of my students. It's…important to me."

--

MotokoForever


	3. Two Man's Tango

Soul of a Fierce

**Soul of a Fierce**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. No one owns anything really...

**dumdeedum**—The prologue was a quick jump into the future. The consequential chapters are leading up to that point and then will exceed that point. I didn't mean to confuse you, lol.

Chapter 2: Two Man's Tango

I lost track of what everything meant, what everything was supposed to mean. The next few days smeared into one another, becoming a perpetual moment of cold isolation. The numbness built up into the tips of my fingers and slowly, the earth just stopped spinning and the trees just stopped growing and the world I was in suddenly seemed to fill me up to the brim and I was overflowing with a sense of uneasiness, of unwinding.

I felt dizzy with despair, wandering in a realm of worthless inhibition and, all alone, I found myself, a helpless wreck, uninteresting and timid beyond words. I was the epitome of pathetic, the definition of something weak and insignificant. I was worthy of being pitied by the world to which I could have grown fond of. Beyond myself, I had no clear purpose—being a shinobi was out of the question.

I had lost all sense of reasoning, lost all sense of logic. Nothing had principle to begin with and nothing had a justifiable cause. The world itself lacked reasoning and without reason, what have we? I lost my reasoning and I lost it well. It echoed in that house like a dying wish swept free from the lips of the dearly departed. Up was down and down was somewhere else; I was lost in the void Hiashi had caused.

_That's right, _I thought to myself, nestled under the large leaves of a tree, _he isn't my father anymore. He's just another shinobi now, isn't he?_

Hiashi had banished me, told me I was worthless to my face. And now, all of Konoha would know that, too. I wasn't ready to face that humiliation just yet. After running out on the Hokage the other day, I thought I had everything in order. But now, my life was in shambles in more ways than one.

_Everything is slowly falling apart,_ I thought, pulling my legs tightly against my chest, pressing my left cheek against my knees. _Everything is drifting apart and I'm all alone again. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now… I don't know what I'm going to do now that I—now that I don't have a home to return to…_

"Hinata, what are you doing under there?"

I looked up into the blank face of Kakashi Hatake, the same man I'd seen yesterday with the same look of detached interest lingering in the dimness of his good eye. I felt something stir in the pit of my stomach, like a bubble had suddenly formed and my breathing grew shallow and I felt faint for some reason, I wiped my face with the back of my hands, before nestling my cheek back against my knee. I wasn't ready to talk yet and I hoped he caught that hint.

"Hinata? Something bad happened, didn't it?" he asked, kneeling in front of me.

My eyes gently rolled onto his figure, the bubble in my stomach pulsating. I didn't know what it was that I was feeling or why he was the cause of it so suddenly. What I did know, however, was that the closer he got to me, the stronger the pulsations became. It hadn't been as noticeable yesterday because he wasn't so close to me. But now, with him only inches away from me, I could feel the heat his body was releasing and I was inclined to be warmed by that heat, compelled by him.

"Hinata?"

I looked up at him suddenly, abruptly pulled from my momentary lapse of insanity. I was left in the realm of reality, face to face with Kakashi, and for that moment, I could not breath, his eye so full of something I didn't know, something I'd never seen before. It was a moment that seemed to slow itself, spreading its worth over what could have been eons, and in my mind, that was about accurate. He seemed to be at peace in this one moment in front of me, kneeling the way knights do for their fair maidens. He was compelling, I'm sure women would say, and he was charming—a taste of sensual dominance lingering around his mouth and eye.

Kakashi stood up slowly, no longer kneeling before me and for that moment, I believed myself safe from his inquiry. However, I was sadly mistaken when he quite firmly took my hand in his, which were undeniably soft, pulling me up alongside him. I rose quite slowly and quite clumsily lost my footing, stumbling forward, my face pressed into his warm chest. I heard his breath catch in the back of his throat, my own lost somewhere in my lungs. My face, now a brilliant shade of red, felt so comfortable against his chest, our bodies pressed closely together.

For that moment, I was lost in a sensual urge to explore, one that was quickly extinguished upon remembering who he was.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry, Kakashi-sensei," I stammered, backing into the tree's thick trunk, my hands folded against my chest in a nervous habit.

Kakashi remained as he was, lost in his thick stupor from the moment we had shared. In my mind, I wondered if he regretted—

_Don't think things like that,_ I thought harshly, berating myself. _He is your sensei…_

The man slowly returned to reality, his face suddenly losing that moment of pure joy, returning to his somewhat reluctant acceptance of life, the plain grimace he carried daily. I didn't want to know what it was that had made him glow as he had, for fear that it was something other than the brief moment he and I had exchanged only moments before. I stared at his face a moment longer before casting my eyes to the ground, nervous and wanting, but not daring to make such things known.

"Kakashi-sensei, you needed me for something?" I asked, trying to keep from stuttering so nervously, even though my teeth were chattering.

The man gazed down at me, as if it was the first time he'd ever seen me in his life and for that moment, I was a victim to his intense gaze, the lazy smile that made him seem surreal, the gentle curve of his strong jaw, the way his shoulders slouched just slightly, the way he seemed to lean back, away from the rest of the world. My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat; I couldn't breathe.

"I went looking for you at the Hyuga Manor earlier this morning. I wanted to speak with you, actually," he said, still gazing at me. At the mentioning of my previous home, I knew already that he had discovered my horrible truth, the one I had wished to keep hidden from the world. But he had gone and found me out, hadn't he? "However, when I asked to speak with you, Hiashi said you were no longer a resident there. Is that true?"

"Y-y-y-y-yes, Ka-Ka-Kakashi-sensei," I stammered, filled with regret and a deeply rooted, sorrowful feeling of longing and remorse. I hadn't wanted him to know, I didn't want anyone to know, but least of all him. "I have dishonored the Hyuga name and for it, I was banished from the Hyuga Manor…by my fa—by Hiashi."

The tears welled up in my pale eyes and before I knew it, I had sunken down into the soft grass around me, balling beyond control. I thought for a moment how pathetic it must have been for a shinobi to cry, for a Hyuga to cry at something so small. I knew for sure that no ninja of the Leaf Village had ever been as pathetic as I was, as I'd always been.

_Kakashi must think so lowly of me,_ I thought, wrapping my arms around my legs. _It's pathetic, me crying like this. Hiashi was right after all. The life of a ninja is not for me. I can't do anything, I can't—_

"Hinata, you're not alone," said Kakashi slowly. "Life isn't awful. I understand what you're going through and how bad things must seem to you. But if you don't fight for yourself, no one else will, Hinata. You must fight for yourself and make yourself known to the world. You're not as alone as you think… You're never going to be alone. That I can promise you…"

I looked up at the man who was wrapping his arms around my shaking body, pulling me closer into his embrace, my face and palms pressed against his strong chest, his warm shoulders. I wanted to struggle and not give into the feeling welling up inside of me but the more I tried to pull away from him, the more I realized that I belonged in his arms, at least, for that moment. So I relaxed into him and felt my worries drift away, taken from me like my breath.

--

"You called me here?" asked the woman with red lipstick.

She looked up from her place near the wall in the wooden stool, a small cup clasped tightly in her delicate, cutthroat hands as he entered. She pushed aside her empty bowl and turned her face towards him, wondering what it was that mask was hiding from the world. However, he didn't look at her directly; his mind seemed to be on something else entirely, and she wasn't it. Instead of pulling him back to reality, she let him go off into his own little world, wondering what is absentmindedness would reveal.

He took a seat beside her and ordered a bowl of ramen, vaguely aware of where he was. In his mind, he kept replaying a certain scene between himself and a young, innocent kunoichi. If he wasn't careful, he'd surely blush from the delicate moment they had shared. She had been so innocent and so frail, cradled in his arms like a young lover. He put his hand under his chin and stared off into the back of the ramen shop, not sure what it was he was looking at, only barely aware of what his face was letting on, half covered or not. It was then that Kurenai saw the faintest glimmer of a fleeting smile, one of his truer moments, when he wasn't hiding behind the steel-cold façade of uncaring, distant and unattached aloofness. This was the man she had known when she was younger.

_I wonder what's caused this,_ she thought to herself, folding her hands under her chin, too.

"So how did everything go, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked, sipping from her cup lazily. She glanced sideways at him, trying to see if she could snap him from his stupor. "Well?"

"She isn't up to it," said Kakashi finally, the smile suddenly slipping from his face, fading back into the weird unknown which was so him. "She can't handle the daily things of life. How can you expect her to handle anything outside of that?"

"What are you talking about?" demanded the woman angrily, her eyes narrowed with an uncharacteristic flare of indignation.

"Hiashi has put her out of the house," said Kakashi without a hint of concern. "She was crying about it earlier when I found her." _All right, so that's not completely true,_ he thought to himself, though Kurenai didn't need to know that. _What's a little white lie between friends, right? Besides, I'm doing what's best for her, aren't I?_ "She isn't—she can't handle it. She isn't ready for it."

"Let's not say that just yet, Kakashi," said Kurenai slowly, staring down into her half-empty cup. "I have one more favor to ask of you, then, if that's alright?"

"Hm. What is it?" asked Kakashi, begrudgingly.

--

After Kakashi left, I remained where I was, staring at the dimness of the forest, the sun setting someplace that I wasn't aware of. What he said to me seemed to touch some part of my heart and gave me small but sturdy sense of courage and self-worth.

"_Hinata, you're not alone. You're never going to be alone. That I can promise you…"_

_You're right, Kakashi. I'm not—I'm not alone, am I?_

Resolved to his words, I slowly pulled myself together and to my feet. I dusted my pants of and wiped my tired eyes with the back of my hand, sniffling under the palely lit sky, the moon hiding behind a thick wave of blue-purple clouds. There was an old hut in the middle of the forest where no one went to anymore; it was abandoned and needed a bit of work to make it homier.

_That will do for now,_ I thought, making my way towards its general direction.

I stopped suddenly, something having flown past me, a strong gust of wind whipping past my face. A small, thin cut appeared, blood trickling down my cheek. A moment later, I foresaw the impact and then felt the sharp pain of a palm thrust against my chest, the wind knocked from my body. I slammed into the thick trunk of a tree, cracking the hardened wood before sliding down, my bottom slapping roughly into the hard, dirt ground. I regained my lost frame of mind quickly, realizing I had been attacked.

_But by who?_

I looked around quickly but saw no one. I activated my Byakugan and saw someone waiting in the distance, camouflaged perfectly behind the thicket of bushes and trees with thick trunks. I got to my feet quickly, breathing slowly. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into and I didn't know who my opponent was that I was up against. I was fighting blindly, a terrible disadvantage…if I was anyone other than a Hyuga.

"Who are you?" I demanded, keeping my eyes focused on my opponent's chakra network. I wouldn't lose sight of him. "I demand to know who you are!"

"I'm your worst nightmare, Hinata Hyuga," said the man sinisterly.

Slowly, he crept from the thicket, appearing from his hiding place, a kunai with my blood hanging from where his mouth should have been. His entire face was hidden by an ANBU Black Ops mask, although his seemed to be smaller and cracked in certain places.

"You're with ANBU," I said, knowing I was stating the obvious. "why are you here, attacking me? I've done nothing wrong—

"Now that's where you're wrong, Hinata Hyuga," said the man, stepping closer to me. "By order of Lady Tsunade, I am to eliminate the threat, the person who could bring down the whole of the Leaf Village because of her inhibitions and false determination. Those were the Hokage's words, and so, you must die."

_The person who could bring down the whole of the Leaf Village? Was that really me? Was I so bad at being a shinobi? Had I failed my home—my friends and my family so terribly? The Hokage had sent him to kill me, had sent this man to end my life…not that I'd be missed… Who needs a worthless shinobi hanging around anyway? I have failed at this, my only dream in life. So then I—then I'm not worthy of this existence anymore. _

I didn't notice the man coming at me full force; I had been too wrapped up in my own inabilities. He jabbed the bottom of his kunai into my stomach, his shoulder connecting with mine. I was slammed, yet again, into the rough exterior of the tree. I felt it crack upon impact, but made no move to do anything about it. I didn't fall, however, which I probably should have, as it gave the man a chance to hurl a handful of kunai into my body. I stood there and took them all.

"Come on, Hinata, you're not even trying to fight back!" said the man from across the field. He stared at me from where he was and sighed his regret, although, that moment of humane thoughtfulness only lasted a moment at best. "Well, what's the point in fighting the inevitable? You are truly worthless, however…giving up so easily."

_He's right, of course. I'm…my life is on the line and I'm doing nothing to protect it. No, instead, I'm here, letting this man take my life from me. Do I hate life that much?_

For whatever reason, I thought of Kakashi Hatake.

_Do you really hate living that much, Hinata?_

He had come to me one day whilst atop a building. I had been returning from another mission and he had been on his way out for one. I admired him then, almost as much as I did now. I did hate living; I was always a nuisance to someone, always a bother or in someone's way. But with him, he always seemed gentle and caring, accepting me for what I was, for who I was. He never made me feel troublesome. Kakashi made life seem worth living…

"Come on—fight me!" said the man hysterically.

He dashed at me again, but this time I tried to hold up a decent enough defense. I met him out in the open field of grass, my Byakugan focused on his chakra network. He made a move to strike me straight on, but I startled him with a quick movement of my hand. He jumped back, then dashed at my side, the cold steel from his blade tearing through my coat into warm, bleeding flesh and then again across my back. I swayed but did not fall, maintaining the Gentle Fist style, even though I was terrified to move.

_Life isn't bad really, Hinata. It is we who make it bad, who make it unbearable. People have that way about them, to make things much worse than what they really are. But you have to see through this, for it's just a façade. You must find out for yourself what it is that you want to do, find out what it is that you want to become. If you want to be a shinobi, do it for your sake, not the sakes of others. Become a shinobi because it is what you want to do. Is that what you want to do, Hinata? Do you want to be a shinobi?_

The man stared at me again, waiting to see what I would do. I remained where I was, unmoving and unsure of my next move; I was trying to anticipate the man himself, to little avail. He was too sporadic, to unpredictable. It was almost as if he just let his body move of its own accord. He darted behind me and I easily evaded the jab to my wounded left side, but hadn't foreseen the trap he'd laid. Several kunai were catapulted from within the thicket of trees, landing in my back, arms, upper body and legs. And before I had time to calculate the amount of damage he'd dealt to me, he landed with his foot in my chest, effectively kicking me off my feet and into another tree with such force that I was sure I broke several bones from the impact alone. I fell forward and coughed, blood from my mouth pooling around my face.

_Life is full of struggle…full of hardships and the like. No one will ever tell you life was easy because it isn't. Life is hard and is so for a reason. We are supposed to learn from life's hardships and make ourselves better people. We pick ourselves up when we fall, wipe of the dirt and the blood from our scraped knees and hands and keep moving. If we stay where we are forever, then we'll never grow and eventually, we'll come to hate life, come to hate the struggle we all must endure. That is the endless struggle of life, Hinata, the struggle we all fight against…giving in means death._

_Was that what this was?_ I wondered, lying down against the tree that I had cracked earlier, blood seeping from the many gashes the man had left from his continuous assault with his kunai. I lay there against the tree, holding onto my bleeding wounds, trying to remove the kunai blades before he threw another vicious onslaught. _Is this what you meant, Kakashi? Is this the struggle of life?_

"You don't have to pretend to be strong if you're not, Hinata," said the man behind the ANBU mask, flicking the blood off the blade of his kunai. He stared down at me as I writhed in pain from the blades jammed into my body. "You're not like the others. I know that. I know what you can do and what you can't do. I've seen into your future and this is certain: The life of a shinobi isn't for you and we both know that, now. You aren't strong enough to be—

"Shut up!" I cried, pulling myself up slowly, blood still dripping from my mouth and the rest of my body.

The man behind the mask took a step back from the unexpected ferocity in my voice, which was otherwise stuttering or unsure, and I couldn't blame him. I even shocked myself. I quickly tore the kunai from my body and tossed them to the ground, glaring at the man. Both of my legs swayed and it looked to him like I most likely would fall from the loss of blood. However, I straightened myself and stiffened my posture. I assumed the Gentle Fist stance, my Byakugan already activated before he had the time to have noticed.

"What's this? One last desperate act?" the man teased snidely, twirling a kunai in his hand. "Give it up already. You can't hold out much longer against me. Just give up—

"I said shut up!" I said again, shaking my head almost as if I was trying to shake the echoing words from my brain.

_I've heard all of this before… I've heard them time and time again, but this time…this time, I swear I won't fail. Every time something gets even a little hard, I give up. But I can't! I won't give up this time!_

"I won't let you beat me without a fight," I growled, trying to steady myself, despite the amount of blood I'd lost previously. "Someone—someone important to me told me today that I wasn't alone! That I didn't have to be all by myself anymore. I won't give up because I know he wouldn't want me to do that! So I can't give up anymore—I just can't!"

the man grunted his disbelief, twirling his kunai around as he stood there, cocky, insulting me. He tossed the kunai past me, and I moved my head just enough to avoid the blade's cold sting. I heard something behind me snap. From all sides, a barrage of kunai blackened the sky, I at the center of the agenda. With that many kunai, there was no way for me to survive.

"Give it up—you're finished!"

I slowly closed my eyes as the blades closed in on me, calming my quickly beating heart as I focused my chakra into various parts of my body. _I am a Hyuga—I can do this. I can do this!_

"Rotation!" I said, begging to slowly spin, chakra exiting my chakra points. Before long, I had created a giant, spinning mass of chakra, capable of deflecting anything, the kunai included. They fell to the ground, harmless and broken. "I told you, I'm not giving up…"

--

_You did well, Hinata,_ I thought, cupping her face gently as I knelt beside her. I lifted her up into my arms, her legs, arms and head dangling over my respective forearms. I dashed away into the darkness of the forest, careful to avoid trees and low branches, for fear of adding further damage to the girl. _I didn't think you had it in you until the very last moment. I'm proud of you._

I hadn't anticipated Hinata growing a backbone so quickly, so abruptly. To be honest, I hadn't the slightest idea what or who it was that gave her so much strength, strength enough to battle me. And she was more of an opponent than I thought she was. That Gentle Fist of hers nearly had me done in for. She's stronger than I thought she was. If I hadn't subdued her when I did, she likely would have beaten me up pretty badly…

_Kurenai will be proud of you, too, Hinata. She believed in you, much more than I did. But then again, you are her student, after all. She never once gave up on you and event sent me to fight you, to test you. It seems you pass the test…_

I took her to the abandoned little house in the middle of the forest; the place Kurenai and I had made up for her earlier. I opened the door slowly and crept up the stairs with her in my arms still, careful to not hit her head against the side paneling of the stairway. I traveled down the hallway a bit and opened another door.

_The bedroom,_ I thought to myself with a slight smirk.

I laid her on the bed and tucked her on, careful not to disturb any of the bandages I had wrapped around her wounds. I watched her as she slept for a moment, admiring her gentle face, her soft eyes ad smiled to myself.

_She really is a beautiful girl,_ I thought to myself, turning on my heel. _If you were a little older, I'd ask you out on a date. You'd been a wonderful girl to have on my arm… And… hmm. Well, goodnight, Hinata. _

"Ka-Kakashi…"

I froze mid-stride, my eyes wide with concern. Had she used her Byakugan to see through my mask the whole time? I turned around slowly, only to notice she was still sleeping quite soundly, exhausted from our battle.

"Kakashi," she said again, her voice soft and enigmatic. "Kakashi…"

_is she dreaming of me?_ I thought slowly, creeping closer towards her bed. _What are you dreaming of, Hinata? What is going on inside of that head of yours? I wonder…what do you dream of when you sleep, Hinata?_

"Kakashi…are you…are you proud of me…?"

I stared down at her as she slept, her brow furrowed with intensity. She had been looking for my approval? I didn't understand that, but I understood her need to be validated. All humans needed that much, at least.

I sat down beside her on the bed, taking her hand in mine. I removed my mask from my face, laying it down atop the soft, cotton pillows, on the other side of her face.

"I am proud of you, Hinata," I said slowly, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, an act I didn't think twice about, not in her case, at any rate. "I am very proud of you…"


End file.
